What Would People Say

elcome to Thursday thought blog!

Today’s thought is related to something that taught me a big deal in life.

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind

– Bernard M. Baruch

We waste half our lives being someone else, fitting in to society norms, behaving as per others idea of perfection, but is it necessarily us? Even if it’s not us, is there a possibility that we become that person eventually?

I have been a victim of “what would people say” for major part of my life. The strange thing is, I thought it was normal. I always wanted to make everyone happy even if that meant hurting my own self.

Always tried to be the perfect version of myself. Being on my toes, always afraid of loosing people I called my “friends”. Keeping my needs aside, it was all about giving and making the other person happy. Being the most perfect person ever!

What exactly is this perfection? Why do we need it?

This perfection is abiding to the rules and norms of society. Before saying or doing anything, always thinking of what would people say? Worrying about others perception more than your happiness.

I remember growing up asking this question to my mom: “Who are these people?”. She would just laugh at the naiveness of the question and ignore it. But I always wondered, why do we care about someone else’s thinking? Time passed and I sort of became the part of this process. This feeling of “what would people say” stayed inside me and affected many of my decisions in life.

How it all changed

Thank god for education and my job, I got to travel across the world which changed my mindset completely. it gave me a chance to break out of my comfort zone.

It allowed me to break free from the boundaries of my own thoughts that was build over the years. I started seeing life with a different perspective- my perspective.

Surprisingly I couldn’t find those “people” whom I was always worried about half my life.

Eventually I realized, may be it is okay to be me. Maybe it is okay to stand up for yourself, even if it means going against the “perfection” created by society. Maybe it is okay to not be afraid all the time of loosing someone because of who you are.

Conclusion

People who matter will be with you no matter what. The ones who left, were never with you any way! πŸ™‚ So why change yourself to fit in to someone else’s idea of perfection? Why not be what you are.

It took a lot of heartbreaks and rough road to realize this. I wish I had slightest idea about it while growing up, I wish I wasn’t afraid of “what would people say”!

Were you also the victim of this thinking?

44 Comments

  1. Anushk@

    This is hard Curious. Infact everyone, somewhere have felt this….but, the time when you realize that we are not a validation seeking creature for what we are and what we do…game changes..!!
    Stay strongπŸ’œ

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Shweta Suresh

    At the end of the day, it’s your life and your decision. There are many people who let the society dictate their every move. It’s a sad thinking. You’re right – we have to stand up for ourself. The sooner we realize that, the better we are. Stay strong. We’re proud of you. β™₯️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. A Curious Mind πŸ™‹πŸ»β€β™€οΈ

      Thankyou Shweta!! ❀️It’s like from childhood we learn this… For example who decided that a person has to get married no matter what? who decided that there is “certain age” to get married, or have children. Who decided that you can have children only after marriage? huh there are so many questions and no answer !

      This something that we see and learn and do the same thing. This is like inevitable… But one should not restrict oneself according to the norms. Easier said than done…

      Like

  3. Alliediltz

    This is really hard to do, because we get into this way of thinking as a habit. Habits can only be broken when we replace them with a new one. And that is never the same for people, which makes it so hard.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. sarthak2700

    Very nice post! I have never cared about what others would say and did all that I wanted to. And it’s fun! In my college days I was always amazed at how people become two faced because of this fear. Their hearts are saying something else, but they won’t speak it in front of others only because of ‘ what others would think’. And then they would speak behind the back.
    It’s funny..πŸ˜‚

    Btw, what is your job? You said your job and education allowed you to travel across the world.. I’m just curious. I get fascinated by the idea of traveling the world! πŸ˜€πŸ˜† I have this dream where I travel anywhere I want to and still be able to work and earn!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. A Curious Mind πŸ™‹πŸ»β€β™€οΈ

      hahah I think i might have been that person in school who never had the courage to speak her mind. 🀣

      Regarding the job, I meant because of my education i travelled few places in India, because of education i got my job, which in return gave me opportunity to live and travel different places. It also gave me money πŸ˜‰ which i used to travel on my own πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ I love travelling!

      By the way I am an IT professional.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Gonzov krik iz getribe autizma

    It takes courage to say no to the pressure instituded by the loud majority, still some norms are best to be obeyed. Having read the article it seems to me you are giving yourself a helthy boost doing just that. KudosπŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Array

    Well good point raised. However I have always been the person who listens to my own gut and act accordingly. Surprisingly, what people thought never bothered me. This has made me free spirited and kind of not so social. I have always done things I’ve wanted to, with a feeling that even if it goes wrong I’ll know it was me who took that validation and no one else. That’s the strongest part of being like this.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. potatosandwich

    As always nice post Curious Ji.

    I feel there are many variables to this statement or question (depending on the angle). Who is it that our parents are trying to ‘protect us against’ i.e. the so called society? Most probable it’s the connections/networking they have been building up for years. Remember that point which all parents use? “It takes years to build respect, moments to bring it all down”.
    So here’s my logic:
    (1) If you are a female, then parents put extra pressure and restrictions on you, as opposed to if you are male – still happens in some sects.
    (2) If you are the eldest sibling in the family, chances are you will be required to ‘lead from the front, be an example’. I lost my father when I was 16, I was the eldest and all of a sudden what ‘society’ thought became a prime concern as I had much younger siblings.
    (3) When you are newly married, both male and female need to adhere to society’s ‘new arrangements’.
    (4) When you have children of your own, rules change again, you are now accountable and I can say your mindset will change, no doubt.

    From my personal experience, have some tolerance for society will pay dividends. As some elders may say “I didn’t get grey hair sitting in the sun”. And there is logic in that, if someone wise and of sound knowledge offers you guidance, then take it, it will save you a whole world of pain. But that doesn’t mean you restrict what you want, the challenge is to find a balance. Being carefree is everyone’s right, but without a responsible approach, we may all descend into chaos.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. A Curious Mind πŸ™‹πŸ»β€β™€οΈ

      First of all thank you for taking out time and writing this amazing comment! And I am really sorry for your loss. You are indeed a brave man!

      I totally agree that there is no harm in taking the good and ignoring the rest. But there are certain rules and norms which are being followed for so long that now it has become a habit. It is difficult to think or see beyond those boundaries. Surprisingly i am aall three points that you mentioned, I am eldest daughter in my family and recently married. So, I have seen a lot of society pressure for several things. But as long as I was able to convince my parents and make them understand my perspective it was fine.

      The issue comes when your parents are not on your side, or they factor society norms and gossip more than you. I have seen this happening with aa lot of my friends…..

      Like

  8. Nanchi.blog

    “What will people say” have shattered more dreams than anything else. I assume most of us are a victim of it but we need to learn to ignore and move on. After all it is our unique life god has gifted us. Thank you for the wonderful post!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. boundlessblessingsblog

    A very good post, Curious and if you go to see we as a human being have all listened to others and thought they were right and never gave thought to what we felt. But after a certain time it is always nice to break free and understand that we too have a life and we too need to do things for ourselves. Lovely post.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. BillboardVagabond

    Hi, intereting read. Being an Indian(I think it is a lot more prudent for me), it is a lot when it comes to peer pressure and what our society dictates. The solution is to tread your own path.
    The rest takes care of itself. Thanks and much appreciated for sharing

    Liked by 1 person

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